I have a confession. I am dreading the day when i spin my matrimonial wheels in motion.

Not that I don't want to tie the knot, of course i do (ye hear me wan?) but planning for a wedding is such a huge undertaking.

I never had birthday bash for myself since i was 12. When i turned 21, my birthday celebration was a small affair between me and my circle of friends. I hate organizing big events for myself because i simply hate to plan. I dislike the hassle of ensuring that everything runs accordingly. And the pathologically paranoid me will definitely undergo sleepless nights worrying about everything. Planning and preparing for my engagement was enough to drive me crazy with worry.

And this time, it will be my wedding, which will be on a larger scale compared to my mini betrothal. It is gonna be one big hassle, lemme tell ya that. I will be thronged with the hassle of surveying and enquiring, the sleepless nights worrying about the decor and stuff, the constant paranoia of whether everything will run smoothly, freaking out about the wedding cards, fretting about the dulangs and not to mention my biggest adversity of all: indecisiveness. I have difficulties deciding what to have for lunch. So could somebody please tell me how the hell am i supposed to decide on which wedding dais i want? Don't ask me how i know this but i guess its just intuition. I know myself too well.

Suddenly, i found myself venturing into uncharted territory *gulps*

It will be one long arduous process and it will drain me out both physically and mentally. Something tells me it is going to sap up my energy, creative juices and time. I will be swarmed with anxiousness and the incorrigible panicky me will be one tangled wire of nerves. It's gonna hassle me to no end. It's gonna trigger heaty arguments between wan and me. Aargghh!

On the contrary, most married friends i spoke to would love to relive their wedding moments. Take my best friend for instance. Despite experiencing the headache of wedding preps, she blurted to me once that she would want to get married all over again. Yeah rite, san. And where would you hide your kid? Under your wedding gown?

So after talking and being inspired by 'experienced' individuals, i guess your hard work will eventually be rewarded (rewarded with a husband the very least!)

And like it or not, i will go through it. I will.

Insya-Allah.